False Starts

As I write this, the clock is ticking away. In fifteen minutes I will get in my car and drive forty-five minutes to the office where I will proceed to organize my task list in detail to show where I have left off with everything. When my boss comes into the office, usually around an hour and a half after I start, I will ask to speak with her in her office. At this point I will begin to sweat profusely and stumble my way through a speech that I have been rehearsing in my head since I got home last night.

I'm quitting.

I'm miserable.

I'm not okay with being miserable.

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Later.

So it's done. It's over. I feel quite a few things, including but not limited to: disappointed, discouraged, unsure, relieved, motivated, confused, and lost.

No one likes a false start, but I really did learn a lot in terms of what I want in a job now, and that makes me feel a lot better about my decision.

I quit.

And I'm a lot less miserable now.